A Leg Up

Some of you may remember that Dan has an artificial foot, and back in August he finally got a new model. Oh, yes, they can make artificial feet even better than the limbs you and I were born with. But before you go and cut off a leg, remember that Dan was born a uni-ped, so he has no trouble adjusting to walking on an artificial limb. Us bi-peds are better off with what was given to us.

There are disadvantages to living with a man with one artificial foot. Let me give you some examples:

• Tripping over a leg in the middle of the night. (The next morning, I always tell Dan, "You tripped me last night." He is usually pretty good about making sure it is off the pathway to the bathroom now.)
• Tripping over his leg in the middle of the day. (You try to step over it and yet it trips you anyway.)
• I can't take him through the metal detectors without him receiving a body cavity search.
• Yelling across the house at him, "Why is your foot on the couch?" Of course, I am looking at the foot, and it isn't attached to him at the time.

He says he is the only person who can get in trouble for what his leg does, even if he is in another part of the house. Of course, having an artificial foot around can also be fun. Right now, I have an extra in my living room, even. I am not sure what to do with it or where to put it, because leg designs are specific to a person. If you hear of artifical limb donation, well, that is mostly to salvage parts that make the limb operation, like if it has a movable wrist or ankle. Dan's leg didn't have any salvageable parts, and he can't use the old one anymore, so it is just around the house.

We could do like we did (unintentionally) for Halloween one year. Dan started digging in the yard because the landlord kept telling us we needed to maintain it. So, the landlord dropped by the day of Halloween, and mention the yard. Dan just overturned the whole yard on Halloween evening. We kept joking that the neighbors were going to think we were digging a grave. A few days later, we threw out two of his artifical limbs. These two feet were sticking from the trashcan. No one ever question us on that. So, I have been thinking about what to do with Dan's spare limb:

• Make it into a candy dish or a nice planter.
• Half bury it in the yard and see if people notice a foot sticking from the ground.
• Put it under the bed, in case I need to use it as a weapon.
• Stick it in Dan's path so he can get a taste of his own medicine.
• Rig it so that when a salesperson rings the doorbell, it will automatically kick them across the neighborhood.

I may need to think on this a bit more. I am really leaning towards the candy dish idea.

**This post was inspired by Pointless Directives: Remember This Next Time You See an Amputee...**

FYI: This is my 900th post.